being a mama.

This poor babe has caught a cold in the last day or two, and on top of that, he's going through a [week long and counting] growth spurt that makes him want to eat every hour. 

Being a mama is hard, hard work. I think I can honestly say this is the toughest thing I've ever done in my life. It takes a toll on you emotionally, physically, and mentally. I realized the other day that I won't have a full nights sleep for years! 

But being this little guy's mama, being able to calm him when he's crying, and laughing at all his little sounds and faces, and getting to hog him all to myself all day long is one of the most amazing things I've ever done. Getting to know his big, fiesty personality that's bottled up in that little, wiggly body is so wonderful. 

My very favorite thing that only happens about half the time is when he falls asleep on my chest while I'm burping him after he eats. That makes me feel like his mama the most. It helps me feel close to him, and I love that.

I love having Zac home with us on the weekends. It makes this whole stay-at-home mom thing a whole lot easier when I have someone to tag-team with and laugh with and talk with. He is such a dream. 

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day four.

Today is Franz's fourth day of life. I'd say it's the best one yet. Today, we gave Franz his first sponge bath. He cried and screamed, and shivered little baby shivers that were the saddest thing. Today was also our first outing together as a family of three. We went to Target and bought a few things. I had him in a moby wrap the whole time, and he was so soft and snuggly and didn't make a peep the whole time. It was also the first time I've changed his diaper (Zac's taken over that job, bless that good man's heart) with Zac's help, and it was also the first time he peed while getting his diaper changed. It went on me, Zac, Franz, and the changing pad. We laughed and laughed, and celebrated his 4th pee on his 4th day! 

Today was such a huge difference from yesterday. I've heard that the third day after you deliver is the worst, because all your emotions are out of whack. I'm no exception. I was so, so tired, and crazy stressed because my baby was crying for no reason at all it seemed like (he was really just super hungry, and needed to eat every half hour). I was sore and in so much pain, and was crying the better part of the day. Today was so much better. I got dressed and ready for the day, and actually left the house, which was more amazing than it sounds. I had energy back! I had a mom making me food, doing my laundry, and cleaning my house. Franz mellowed down a bit, and stopped crying so much, and I was so much more calm. And I learned one thing: drugs are good. 

It's so fun getting to know little things about my Franz. Spending all this time with him has been so wonderful, and learning what he likes to do, like stick out his tongue, and use his hands to touch faces and throw fits. And learning that he doesn't like to do, like having his diaper changed (too cold!) and being swaddled (again, his hands!). I could stare at him all day long, and often do, he's so beautiful! Being a mama has been the best thing to happen to me. I have absolutely loved these last four days with my Franz.

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what do lds women get?

I saw this on the web, and thought it was quite profound and eye opening. What a wonderful thing to be a women in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

My favorite quote was "Every soul who leaves pre-mortality and comes to this earth has to do so through the courage and the devotion and the sacrifice and the selflessness of a women. Women are at the very center of the Plan of Salvation. The Lord has given us that privilege; he's given us that honor."

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a dream.

I've always dreamed of raising my little children in a big home in the suburbs of some cute and quaint city, where people are out in their yards and children are playing in the streets, much like the neighborhood I grew up in. Friends would come over to play with my children, and leave a pile of shoes at the door. We would go on family bike rides, and, as a housewife and stay-at-home mother, I would make dinner for my family in the evenings. There would be colorful flowers in our front yard, and I would take dinner to those in need. My many children would know how much I love them, and how wonderful it was to be in love with someone by the way my husband and I acted with each other. We would be silly, and throw parties for no reason, except that it was a wonderful day. My children would watch out the window for their dad to come home from work, and he would greet them with hugs and tickles and laughs.

That's been probably my biggest dream ever since before I was a teenager. I would daydream about this on a weekly, maybe even daily basis. It's where my heart wanted to be, and I yearned for it so badly; I was excited to grow up and have that.

And today, all these years later, I still want exactly that. I want to be a stay-at-home mother and do house work and cook for my family. I want a big house where my children and I can laugh and play and work and make memories. And in a world where this dream might seem too old-fashioned, or seem to lack ambition, I believe that it's the most honorable thing a woman can do in this world. The ability to slow things down, and sit down on the floor with a child that you've created and teach them to read, or play cars with them. To find the beauty in the little things, instead of constantly being busy. 

I want my children to have siblings to play with, to fight with, and to love. I want them to have a mother and a father who are in love, and show that love every single day. I want to be there with my children when they take their first steps, or loose their first tooth, or have a bad day at school. I want them to have opportunities, and to learn about what makes me the happiest, and where they can get that happiness. I want them to know that I am their mother, and I would do anything for them.

That is my dream. 

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